Daring Greatly

So I attribute my MIA-ness to the fact that I am pretty busy. If I am not working I am out or trying to do something productive and then on my priority list my blog falls close to the bottom. I know that this needs to change because most of my friends look to my blog to see what is going on in my life (I hardly post on FB or Twitter) and I just need to be better about writing in general.

I recently have decided that my resolution to read more books has been failing, so I talked to a friend and he suggested watching this TED talk called The Power of Vulnerability and then reading the speakers book entitled Daring Greatly. So I did. I have watched this talk probably ten times now and I am still learning things and having ideas come to my head about ways that I can improve and about how similar everyone is in experiencing these emotions. The book is fantastic. I read it in a couple of hours on my day off last week...I couldn't put it down. Brene Brown just has this way of writing that makes sense to me and I relate and want to change, which is awesome. If any of you are looking for a good, easy, fast read, I suggest Daring Greatly.

There is this quote in the book, "It's not what you do; it's why you do it that makes the difference." This quote really stood out to me because I think in my head I have been struggling with different ideas that I have been pondering and struggling with the whole "what am I doing with my life, this isn't where I want to be at this age, etc." After pondering what this said I realized that I am where I want to be at this phase in life and that it really isn't about what I am doing but why I am doing it. I am here because I want to gain experiences, I want to grow and learn and meet different people and that is exactly what I am doing. No, I am not a "successful business woman" or a wife/mother or in grad school continuing my education but I am happy and I am making friends and I am gaining experiences that I wouldn't have anywhere else. Yes I want to be a mother/wife, yes I want to continue my education, and yes, even at times, I want to be a successful business woman but I don't need to be there right now because my life does have meaning and I have a lot to be grateful for.

Sometimes I think we all get in this rut of wanting more and then when we get the more we aren't satisfied and then we continue to want things that seem out of our reach instead of enjoying the moment or the here and now. I have been striving to live in the here and now and not think about the things that I so desperately want. I am obviously not talking about trivial things but more of the internal things like "I will be happy once I am married" or whatever the thought may be. So far, it hasn't been easy to turn that off but I have been more aware of it and I can check myself and really enjoy what I am doing. I dont want to numb myself to my emotions, I want to be able to feel even if that feeling is sadness or hurtfullness or joy or whatever! One of the things Brene Brown talks about is how we can't just numb one emotion, if we numb ourselves, we numb everything and I believe that is so true. I am going to have a hard time liking someone if I won't allow myself to get hurt. I have to put down the walls and barriers and allow myself to feel. That is the only way that I will be able to judge if I like an individual or not. If I am constantly in a state of "wall up" I will never feel anything.

I know that this post is really random but it is mostly for me to just get some thoughts down and if you are still reading I applaud you because I am not even sure if half of this makes sense.

I wish you all a great week!