questions of the soul

you know those moments where you start thinking all philosophical and such? I feel as if I have been having quite a bit of those moments lately. I have been hanging out with some of my coworkers who aren't LDS and they will ask me very deep questions about my beliefs and I enjoy answering but sometimes it throws me off guard as to the randomness of their questions, and its at those moments where I internalize what the question was so that the next time I am asked a similar question I can give a more eloquent answer.

One of those moments this week was when a friend asked me what my definition of real was or what bravery meant or if there really was absolute truth because everything in his eyes is relative. Normally I have a pretty easy time answering questions about the church but talking to someone who is agnostic who believes wholeheartedly in science and in just being a "good" person was difficult because even though he was respectful I still felt as if he thought everything I was saying was just a myth because I couldn't possibly 'really' know all of this for 100% sureness. I asked him what he expected to have happen to know something was real and I asked him if he needed some sort of sign to believe and he couldn't answer so we left the conversation and he said he would ponder and I just can't help but ponder and I came up with some things about bravery today before church:

Bravery

what is bravery, is it the act of doing
something frightening such as
fighting an army or jumping off cliffs?
is there more to bravery than all that?
bravery can be defined differently depending on
who you are talking to, it can be
the first time you realize you need to be more grownup
as you hold your firstborn child in your arms or
the fact that you are leaving your life, friends, and loved ones
for two years for a greater purpose
to others it could be realizing you have an addiction and
asking for help or
moving to a huge city all alone,
bravery to me is what Christ did for me
and no matter what I do in this life
nothing compares.

What is your definition of bravery? I am curious to know.

I have also been pondering about my life. Where am I going? What am I doing? Why am I doing what I am doing? This was something that nobody ever prepared me for. In young womens they don't teach you about what to do after college, they just fully expect that you will be married and having kids by 25. There is nothing wrong with that, but it just doesn't prepare those of us who haven't been married for whatever we are supposed to do.
The prophets say "get an education", okay...did that...now what?
I suppose that while I was in college I figured study what I want to study and who cares if it is practical because I would most likely get married before having to worry about having a career. Whelp folks, that was a poor choice. Now I sit here with my humanities degree, perfectly happy that I studied something I wanted to study but now regretting not being marketable for any good paying jobs because I am not skilled in one particular area and nobody knows how someone with a humanities degree can be an aid to their company. Awesome...not.

I have said this before, I do like my job at the museum, but it isn't necessarily what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I have always wanted to do planning in a museum sphere. Whether or not it was planning an exhibit or planning some spectacular event, that is what I would love to do...I figured a humanities degree would get me there, but now being in this field, I am not so sure. I would need a marketing degree or a public relations degree or whatever degree to be able to plan. I don't think those degrees are necessary, but it is either that or have 15 years of experience (I exaggerate a tad but really its like 5-6 years of experience on most requirements) and nobody will hire someone fresh out of college to do a job. It is frustrating because it is like, how am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? Lets think people.

Then I think to myself that I could always go back to school...get a masters degree in something else...but then I think to myself do I really want to spend my time/energy/money doing that? Will it even really help me get a job? I do miss school, but grad school is a completely different ball park.

I want to travel...but it is no fun traveling alone and who has the money to just drop everything and travel with me? Nobody.

I was talking to some friends while I was home in Utah this past week and I was telling them how I am always alone. If I am not at work or with work friends I am alone and I hate that. I miss having a companion 24/7, which is weird for me to say considering before my mission I loved to be alone. Sometimes it is nice to be away from people, but I just crave companionship...with all my heart and can't seem to find it.

This isn't meant to be a sad or depressing post, but rather one of contemplation. If any of you have ideas or suggestions please feel free to comment because I would love to hear your ideas.

I suppose I hadn't posted in awhile and wanted to get these ideas out so if you made it to the end way to be and thanks for reading this far! Here is a picture I took of the golden gate bridge after getting home from Hawaii a couple weeks ago. Isn't it beautiful?